The Ultimate Betrayal: One Way Smart People Rob Themselves of Joy

Someone who breaks their word regularly is out of integrity, unprofessional and downright annoying. But what if the person who’s breaking their word is you?

“I’m going to the gym this week. I’m going to book a massage. I’m going to get through my email. I’m going to stop working at 5:30 PM. I’m going to read that book. I’m going to clear out the garage. I’m going to reorganize that drawer. I’m going to visit my friend…”

I was a full card-carrying member of this group with nearly daily intentions that I broke to myself. I was going to call my grandmother, email my friend, check on my aunt, read the magazine on the counter. This went on and on, sometimes for weeks, like it was no big deal.

Nearly every professional I coach is in the same boat. We all get busy, but if you find yourself constantly renegotiating with yourself to do the things you want done, you’ve got a self-trust problem that, over time, will leave you wondering why you’re not more happy or feeling more successful.

You’re communicating something important to yourself when you make these promises. There’s a part of you that’s listening, a part that’s used to being let down, a part that doesn’t trust you to follow through on your word. At all. Each one of these intentions registers in the brain and becomes a broken agreement with yourself. Your mind hears what you say, gets hopeful that you’re really going to follow through this time, and then is disappointed once more. You’ve got an integrity problem.

“How did I get here? Why can’t I get ahead? What can I do to feel more on top of things? Do I just need to be more organized?”

What you need is to reestablish your own self trust again. The way to turn this around is S.O.S.

Stop over-promising.
Own the little things; start small and follow through.
Start recognizing the wins and prize yourself when you keep your word.

We play off the “inner voice” like it’s not important, but it is. You’re important. Happiness begins with the most important relationship in your life: YOU.